Posts tagged: Things like these can only be explained by my brain being hyperactive because it has done nothing useful in weeks
Dear People Doing Fireworks at 3am on July the 6th,
I live in the state of Texas, where one can legally carry a gun as long as no one can see it. Aside from the godawful logic lack of logic in this law*, it is especially problematic to live in a state where fireworks are quite popular. Now, I am not against fireworks in general, or fireworks on Fourth of July at a park or field space, away from potentially flammable buildings. I get it, fireworks look cool and are fun to set off. I watched a really awesome fireworks display near a pier at the beach yesterday and I had a blast.
What I am against is fireworks, in a neighborhood, at 3am, on July 6th. What is wrong with you, fireworks at 3am people? Don’t you know that Independence day is on the fourth, and fireworks have no business going off on the 6th, because there are no holidays celebrated on this day? Don’t you know that fireworks sound a lot like shots to the untrained ear? Don’t you know that homes are flammable, and that people live in these homes? Also, don’t you know that there are young people running to hide under beds because they are afraid of floating witches outside their windows and you are aggravating their misled and completely ridiculous fear?
Think of the young people, fireworks people. They are irrational as you are, and need for you not to encourage their irrationality.
Please, refrain from doing fireworks at this time, fireworks people. It is for the peace of mind of the whole neighborhood, especially those scared young’ins.
Sincerely,
A concerned citizen who may or may not be hiding under the bed right now, waiting for the floating witch to please go be a creeper at someone else’s window.
* WHY WOULD YOU LET PEOPLE CARRY GUNS AS LONG AS NO ONE CAN SEE THEM? THAT IS STUPID, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO KNOW WHO IS CARRYING A GUN UNTIL THERE IS A SHOOTOUT? AND DON’T SAY A LICENSE OR PERMIT BECAUSE I KNOW PEOPLE DON’T ASK TO SEE LICENCES AND PERMITS AT GUN SHOWS.</rant>
I have managed to scare myself into believeing that there is some sort of witch or scary looking being right outside my window. I don’t quite know how this happened. Ok, I kind of do. I was looking though this list of hoaxes on Wikipedia, and one of them mentioned a family who said they saw ghosts in a house where a family had been killed. I know this is a hoax, because it was on the list of hoaxes, but while reading this, I had the mental image of a scary being, in black robes and witch-like and floating, outside my window. A part of my brain says ‘You are stupid, there are obviously no floating-
juuses JEESUS CHRIST WAS THAT A FIREWORK? WHY ARE PEOPLE DOING FIREWORKS IT IS THE FUCKING FIFTH OF JULY and I am kind of really super scared right now, for christsakes stop it!-
evil witch being outside your window right now” but the other part says “Omg omg omg there is a floating witch outside my window omg, and if I open the blinds to look I will be scared ‘cause omg i have never seen a scary witch thing’
I must say that before this day I thought myself a rational person. I don’t believe I am intoxicated, at the moment, and really this has never happened to me before, but I am the biggest scaredy cat ever.
Someone talk me out of this. Please?
